


Firsts

by LemonSchwaySchway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, a little bit of blood and violence, intentional tense changes, mentions of schoolyard brawls, well there's one slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonSchwaySchway/pseuds/LemonSchwaySchway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's had a lot of firsts in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firsts

The first time Dean saw a real fist fight, he was twelve.

He’d walked home past the high school, just like he always had, and even though school for them had been out for half an hour, there were still a few people on the grass field that was the ‘Home of the Lions’. Dean had gotten curious.

That afternoon Dean learned both just how much blood came from a human nose after it was broken and what exactly happened to anyone deemed a ‘ _faggot_.’

Dean cried until Sam came home.

*****

The first time Dean was a part of a real fist fight, he was sixteen.

He accidentally ended up breaking the kid’s leg.

He’d been called a lot of things, it was Kansas and if you weren’t liked, you weren’t liked, but then the kid had gone and run his mouth about _that_ , that _thing_ that could get you killed if it was actually true. Or if someone thought it was true.

So Dean retaliated. He got suspended for two weeks.

Dean vowed that’d be the last time he cried.

*****

The first time Dean kissed a girl, he was seven.

It was really, really weird, because things just don’t touch your lips like that, and Jo’d been eating a popsicle so it was extra sticky. Dean never remembered it happily. They’d been playing house and she had demanded they get married which meant he had to kiss the bride before they did anything.

Dean did it. Dean never kissed Jo again. Of course, Dean kissed other girls, lots of other girls really, but he never got passed the feeling of ‘ _sticky_.’

The lipgloss just made it worse. At least Jo had tasted like cherry.

Dean wasn’t supposed to cry after, he was a man and men liked girls, liked kissing them. It never stopped the feeling though.

*****

The first time Dean kissed a boy, he was eighteen.

Three months shy of graduating and going off to KU for his mechanical engineering degree, and Dean fucked up his life.

Lawrence wasn’t the small, redneck boon town everyone outside of Kansas thought, but in 1996, it was still a little behind and very, _very_ conservative. The kiss hadn’t even been intentional.

Castiel Novak had met him at the library to work on their English project and Dean had expected a boring evening of Shakespeare and poetry that didn’t make very much sense.

What he’d gotten was actually talking to someone who saw him as a person about _comic books_ of all things. Dean wasn’t the rebellious trouble maker, or the Best Son Ever™, or even that guy who took care of Sam, when he was with Cas. He was the little boy that sobbed at his mother’s funeral at age four; he was the kid who rode his bike around the neighborhood until it was too dark to see; he was the guy trying to make it through the parts of high school he couldn’t stand.

He was _Dean_.

Dean didn’t know what made him do it, but he kissed Castiel over a dictionary held safely in the other boy’s arms just inside the shadow of the library in the cool March air.

Dean hadn’t expected the sudden headlight or the sound of his name coming from his dad’s mouth as John Winchester got out of the beautiful car Dean would take to college every day soon enough.

The Impala didn’t need to see this.

There was a lot of shouting and Cas looking like he’d break into tears and plenty of Dean taking smacks that he really shouldn’t have gotten.

Cas ran home. Dean watched him.

They didn’t speak again until the last day of school.

Dean went back on his vow.

*****

The first time Dean is actually _happy_ , he’s twenty one.

Castiel is living with him, despite all of Dean’s protests of ‘come on dude you could go to Harvard.’ Dean hasn’t spoken to anyone in his family but Sam since he left the house after that wonderful talk about being a queer that his father had shouted at him. Sammy is no doubt getting a full ride to Stanford and Dean is getting a good excuse to go to California.

Cas smiles a hell of a lot more than he did three years ago.

Sitting down for popcorn and a movie on their small TV in an effort to keep themselves up is a simple pleasure; the “new millennium” starts in four hours.

Dean tucks his face into the crook of Cas’ neck and smiles.

Dean hasn’t cried in a long time.


End file.
